Tonight’s episode of Bachelor Pad was more dramatic than a paternity test reveal on Maury, minus the sleaze factor, and therefore, lame. Chris Harrison pops in to let everyone know that after this challenge, one couple will be eliminated and no one is getting roses. The contestants walk outside to see a challenge that resembles something from Big Brother, called “Hanging by a Thread.”
Hanging by a Thread
Chris, in his spiffy blazer, notes that whichever couple wins the challenge, chooses which couple will be leaving the mansion immediately. What I learned from the Bachelor Pad Q&A challenge is that I need a life and that I know way too much about this show.
Tony is eliminated first, after hanging on for dear life, because for the first time, they’ve chosen a challenge that Blakeley isn’t good at. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t involve dancing, balancing cups or cracking nuts.
Sarah proves that she’s just as big of a loser as I am and wins the challenge.
Each couple makes their case of why they should be saved, and after Tony and Blakeley give the most genuine and save-worthy speech, Chris decides to let everyone know why he is worthy of sticking around. Because if you didn’t know yet, Chris loves Chris.
And with that cute little speech, Chris axes Tony and Blakeley, while Sarah silently nods along with him. I agree that Tony and Blakeley were a strong couple, but I may have gone for Jaclyn and Ed, as they’re a little stronger and more popular.
Karaoke Shitshow
For the next challenge, the couples arrive at the Palladium in Hollywood, which I’ve never heard of. I’d rather it have been The Palladium in Acapulco, a challenge based on dancing with the devil, but I’m not that lucky. I bet the producers are saving that for my run on the Pad!
Night Ranger is performing Sister Christian, and right after, the crew learns that they’ll be singing the song, live, in front of an audience, American Idol style. Ed sings this song every week in his car, so he’s not nervous, except for the fact that he thinks Jaclyn is extremely tone deaf.
The couples pair up with vocal coaches and seem to all suck. They head back to the house to hopelessly practice, probably just getting drunk with each note.
The next night, they pull up to the Palladium, and have a brunch of ugly, slutty, 18 year old fans cheering for them, and are obviously over-flattered by their awesome fan base. To get ready, Rachel and Nick plan out their stage locations, Chris writes lyrics on his arm, and Ed and Jaclyn get wasted. Sounds about right to me!
Nick and Rachel hit the stage first, and surprisingly, they’re pretty good, with Rachel’s raspy voice coming out of the woodwork. And, she looks absolutely gorgeous… She can pull off the rockstar look well.
Next up, Jaclyn and Ed, who completely bombed and forgot the lyrics. Their performance was similar to a William Hung style American Idol audition, then turning into a Cristina Aguilera “Dirty” video.
At least they had fun?
And last, Sarah and Chris… Sarah, the electrocuted monkey, might have taken drugs before her performance, and like Jaclyn said… Was Sarah dancing or was something really wrong with her? Definitely thinking drugs were involved when she said, “We’re obviously both not tone deaf,” says the girl who is CLEARLY very tone deaf. *Note: I forgot to take a picture of their performance. I’m blaming this on my subconscious ignoring of Sarah’s cameltoe in her spandex.
Rachel and Nick win the competition, but I’m sure shortly after regretted putting that weight on their shoulders.
Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Nick and Rachel talk strategy and they’re torn between which couple to choose. Do you pick the friend or the money? Rachel says that friendships just mean so much more than money, which is true.
They end up picking Chris and Sarah and within seconds, both Rachel and Jaclyn start Waterworks 2012, bawling their eyes out.
Jaclyn is livid, dropping F-bombs in the limo left and right. Can’t really blame her, but also see how tough of a decision it was for Rachel.
What would you have done her? Money or friends? The preview for the finale looks AMAZING. Who’s excited? I AM!
