A Schmuck with $250,000 – Bachelor Pad Finale

Well, the shitshow has come to an end. Part of me is talking about the Bachelor Pad and part of me is talking about Jamie’s choice of accessories.

Some quick thoughts on everyone’s appearance:

• Did Tinkerbell shit on Jamie’s face? Did she bedazzle her temples? Were those records hanging from her ears? Or dinner plates? So many questions.
• It’s amazing how much better Erica looked without her trashy extensions.
• Speaking of trashy, was Donna’s dress from Joyce Leslie or the Jersey Shore t-shirt shop?
• The twins are still incredibly heinous.
• As always, Jaclyn’s dress was amazing.
• And again, as always, Lindzi is still orange.

First up in the hot seat was Michael, whose head has grown immensely since his run on The Bachelorette. We get to see a clip of him telling Erica that he didn’t see himself dating Rachel outside of the show. Then Erica tells him she doesn’t regret saying the mean things to him on her way out of the house because they’re true. And Jaclyn jumps in, having Rachel’s back, telling everyone that he lead her on.

Next up, Blakeley, who is in love with Tony because he’s a domesticated man. The spotlight quickly turns to Jamie, who tells Blakeley that she has no reason not to be friends with her. I’ll give you one good reason – YOU BEDAZZLED YOUR FACE. I bet she vajazzles her vagina too.

Tony and Blakeley talk about their romance, which is super cute, and announce that they’re moving in together because Blakeley really needs cable. Then, Tony asks Blakeley to make him the happiest man in the world and marry him. To which she responds, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” SWEET.

The final four come out, finally, ready to take the hot seat. Rachel puts Michael on blast and tells him that he wasn’t careful with her heart. He continues to talk about how much he liked kissing Rachel, so I’m guessing she’s a ridiculously good kisser.

Chris gets his asshole ripped apart by Jamie, who tells him that he wouldn’t be a good father. She’s obviously delusional from the metal chains strapped across her head, because one thing has nothing to do with the other.

Then, Rachel and Jaclyn have a sob fest and talk about being besties. Now they’re totes BFFAEAEFLTETDDUP. If you don’t know what that means, you’re not as cool as me.

Voting time! With the exception of Kalon, Erica and David, Rachel and Nick get all of the votes, which is no surprise.

But then, it’s time to vote for KEEP or SHARE and shit hits the fan.

Rachel admits that you can’t win money without a partner, and decides to SHARE the money with Nick. Nick, who can’t look at Rachel and looks slightly drugged, goes on a complete power trip, talking about how he did it all himself and no one had any faith in him. He picks KEEP. To which Rachel responds, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” Seems to be a common theme throughout the evening.

Nick, who calls himself a schmuck with $250K, continues his rants and lack of compassion towards Rachel, even telling Michael to console her. The most logical comment of the night came from Kalon, who says that none of them deserve $250K… SO TRUE!

Here are my thoughts… I feel terrible for Rachel and if I was her or Nick, I would’ve shared. It’s the right thing to do and I have a big heart. But I get Nick’s decision. And I respect it. What I don’t respect is the way he handled his decision. If he had said, “Look… I am so sorry for hurting your feelings, but I need the money and am going to be completely selfish right now,” I’d feel differently. But he didn’t even acknowledge how upset Rachel was, and didn’t give her any respect.

What about you? What would you have done? Do you think Nick’s a schmuck?

Tonight feels bittersweet. I’m really excited to have my Monday nights back, but I’ll miss this trainwreck. Let me know if there are any shows you’d like to see me blog for the Fall season.