SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT! Sean Lowe has been named the next Bachelor. If you’re actually surprised, you’ve probably been living in a cave. Sean is handsome, sweet, and basically perfect… And although not for me, will make for killer eye-candy all season.
His ladies on the other hand, they mostly look like they’re auditioning for future season of Real Housewives of Dallas. Today, ABC announced 23 of the 25 ladies, which leaves some suspicion looming, and also gives them another PR opportunity in the coming months for a follow-up announcement. Sadly, they didn’t post a Q&A with the ladies yet, so we can’t find out how many of these bitches have slutty tattoos, weird interests or a date of birth that’s barely legal.
What’s most interesting to me, is that four of the contestants are black. We all know that ABC is protecting themselves against another lawsuit, which is swell, but THIS IS SEAN LOWE. C’mon… Let’s be realistic.
*Please note: I’ve received some feedback that this post came off as racist and if I offended anyone, I completely apologize. That was not my intention and I am far from racist. I love people of all color, shapes and sizes. What my point was, is that I can’t picture Sean dating anyone besides a blue eyed, blonde girl from the South. And this cast is heavily swayed by the ABC lawsuit they faced last year.
Apologies in advance to all of you, especially if these ladies are your friends or family. This isn’t going to be nice.
Amanda: Sadly her names come first in the alphabet, because she’s one of the few that don’t have a mean comment coming their way. She’s cute, with a style sense reminding me of Jillian Harris, and so far, I don’t mind her.
Ashlee: Another cute one? And beautiful hair… She has potential.
Ashley H: Thank the lord. For a second, I thought they were all going to be normal. I think Ashley took a wrong turn, bought her necklace at Joyce Leslie, and wound up on The Bachelor.
Ashley P: There are way too many Ashley/Ashlee’s. And therefore, she’s not going to make it.
Brooke: She has a beautiful face, but it’s completely useless when you put on earrings like that. Didn’t anyone learn from Jamie’s mistakes on Bachelor Pad?
Catherine: Is this even legal? This girl should be on the Mickey Mouse Club, not The Bachelor.
Daniella: She is trying to bang all of America with those eyes. She’s screaming prostitute.
Desiree: I must be getting old because all of these girls look so young. Unfortunately, her bangs aren’t as successful as Rachel’s.
Diana: Either Diana is stoned or she has a lazy eye. For her sake, I hope it’s the first. But for viewers, the second. How much fun will that be?!
Jakie: Did someone forget the c in Jackie? Were her parents getting high with Jef’s? At least she drew on a set of eyebrows for her big photo.
Katie: Although Katie looks like she’s channeling her inner-Felicity, and is bordering of electrocution, I kind of dig her funky look.
Kelly: Has she already had botox? Fillers? What’s up with her face? Look for Kelly on Real Housewives of [Insert her random city here] in 2019.
Keriann: What’s wrong with Keriann’s face?
Kristy: She could be pretty, and I appreciate that she matched her eyes to her shirt. Although once she turns to the side, everything could change. Oh, the suspicion!
Lacey: She looks awkward and scared. And possibly 40.
Lauren: A less-pretty Emily Maynard… How perfect!
Leslie: Beautiful, but I can’t see it.
Lindsay: Very cute… I’d put her in my Top 3.
Robyn: Pretty smile, big forehead… Someone needs bangs.
Sarah: Sarah is either older than most of the other girls, or just looks it. Either way, not a good look.
Selma: She’s pretty. That’s all for now.
Taryn: Note to Taryn… There is such thing as “too blonde.” I’m interested in knowing her profession.
Tierra: Who named her? And what’s around her neck?
So, any early favorites? Is there hope for Sean? Leave some comments!