Bachelor Hometown Dates!

Hometown week is one of my favorites on Bachelor. Family always screw shit up for someone. Sometimes with a bird’s funeral. Sometimes there’s a Dad who shows off his stuffed dead animal collection. And this week we have a brother, straight from the streets of Compton, who aint’ down with Sean “Playboy” Lowe.

Before we dive into the family affairs, let’s talk about the hot topic this week – Sean’s Virginity. For everyone asking me, it’s been taken. No, not by me. If you read the US Weekly article, Sean lost his virginity in college but other than a few sexcapades during those years, he hasn’t had sex since. I’m pretty sure that he can’t technically call himself a virgin anymore, but since he’s The Bachelor, he can do whatever he wants.

AshLee’s Hometown

Luckily the producers spared us a tour of the foster homes that AshLee grew up in, remembering that this is a reality television show and not Days of Our Lives. AshLee and Sean hang out in a field of lavendar (totally normal) and talk about how excited she is for him to meet her parents. She’s been dreaming about this since she was 4. File that under: Needs Help. She tells Sean, “I just wanna take you home,” and I’m sure that’s not the first time he’s heard this.

Sean meets her parents, who are quite charming, and they enjoy a nice outdoor dinner. AshLee talks about the Polar Plunge and rather than be lighthearted and fun for like 2 seconds, she starts crying and compares the challenge to abandonment. Can anything ever be chill with her? Did you know she was adopted?

Can her Dad be the next Bachelor? Sidenote: Unfortunately we don’t get to look inside AshLee’s closet which is just kind of cruel.

By the end of the date, AshLee is ready to marry Sean. She wants to marry him NOW. Well that worked out well last time, huh? Cue the pixie dust!

Catherine’s Hometown

Sean arrives in Seattle and heads to the fish market with Catherine, where they first ride some weird metal pig and put coins in it while making wishes. Not sure what the significance there was, but it seemed a little dirty for our Virgin Bachelor. The fish dudes ask Sean if he’s prepared to get a little nasty on the hands and he reminds them that he hasn’t always been a virgin.

Then it’s Catherine’s turn which I appreciate… a girl who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. After fish tossing, they scarf down some donuts and immediately with this face, Catherine is my new favorite.

Catherine has two hot sisters who decide to grill Sean and then tell him that Catherine is messy and has harsh mood swings. Awesome! When Sean asks her Mom for her blessing on a proposal, she responds with, “We’ll see what happens.” Cue the awkward music. God forbid a family be skeptical about someone getting engaged in a month…

Lindsay’s Hometown

Sean arrives in a tiny town in Missouri and Lindsay takes him to the most exciting places around. First stop, an antique shop! Riveting. They throw back a beer and then a few cupcakes while talking about how Sean should address Lindsay’s Dad. Personally, I think he should’ve just called him Dad. With the speed at which Bachelor relationships move, it’s only appropriate.

Lindsay gives Sean an army get-up, which looks similar to something I cut up for an Army social in college, except mine ended up looking much sluttier. She wants Sean to get “army ready” and yells at him. At least we know she’s down to role play.

Upon arriving at the Yenter house, Sean goes with “Mr. Yenter.” So suspenseful! Lindsay’s family is surprisingly awesome… Her Mom is cool, her brother doesn’t speak much and her Dad is much less scary than expected. Sean asks her Dad for his blessing and after some army talk, he gets it. They walk away both seeming medium happy.

Then Lindsay tells Sean that she’s falling for him, naturally.

Dez’s Hometown 

Dez runs up to Sean and straddles him in her workout clothes, which was bound to happen on one of these dates. They go for a hike and then change and head to some house that had to be rented out for this date.

Some actor that looks like a model for JDate.com shows up and pretends to be Dez’s ex-boyfriend who wants her back. After Sean almost throws him through a wall, Dez reveals that it’s just a prank and this guy is just an actor. And a shitty one.

Dez’s parents and brother show up and I’m confused. Her parent’s look like they’re avid Harry Potter fans, yet her brother is straight up from the streets of Compton. I guess weird things happen when you grow up in tents.

After winning over her parents, Nate asks Sean is he could “holla” at him real fast outside. Shit gets awkward real fast and Nate thinks that Sean is just a Playboy. Obviously his US Weekly subscription ran out recently. I missed pieces of this argument because I was enamored by Nate’s tattoos, especially the lyrical verse on his neck.

Rose Ceremony 

Sean is torn between Dez and Catherine because both of their families caused drama. Right before Sean hands out the roses, Dez pulls a Chris Bukowski and interrupts the rose ceremony to tell Sean that her brother has tourettes and she’s really sorry. It doesn’t work and Sean sends her home anyway. Dez makes its clear that Sean is making a HUGE mistake and he will regret it.

She’s also not speaking to her brother anymore.