Due to some last minute craziness, this week I was able to watch The Bachelor with my Mom and have even more laughs than usual. Because of her hilarity, our combined off-color comments and a few glasses of wine, the blog could be weak this week. I couldn’t focus on note taking. We were too busy stuffing our faces and getting beefy.
Fantasy Suite week could not have been more unsexual. We all know that Sean is a proclaimed revirgin, which basically means he’ll play just the tip. Before the ladies arrive for their dates, Sean reminds us about his feelings while lounging in a tank chilling in a hammock.
The first date goes to Lindsay, who I have to admit is really growing on me. It might have been her willingness to role play, but I’m digging her. They stroll around and eat bugs which is never an ideal date and Sean is really impressed by her ability to take them down like a champ. Hey… If they’re not getting busy in the Fantasy Suite, this is the least she could do.
Then they frollock on the beach and play with monkeys. And make out in the ocean and dry hump. Lindsay knows that it’s crunch time in Bachelor land and that she better say ‘I love you’ soon because AshLee has already tattooed Sean’s name on her ass.
That night they head to dinner which looks like the local church carnival that I grew up going to. That right with the swinging boat or dragon. Yup, that was definitely there. Sean’s been to a hibachi restaurant before, so he’s fitting in alright.
Lindsay drops the L-Bomb.
AshLee and Sean head to a cave for their date which of course is a traumatic experience for her. It obviously relates to abandonment because EVERYTHING does. Did you know AshLee was adopted? Rather than abandon her in the cave, Sean guides her to the light at the end of the tunnel. Probably because her necklace said ‘gypsy’ and who isn’t scared of a good gypsy?
That night, AshLee and Sean talk about people always asking them why they’re still single. I could relate, as people ask me this question all the time. It’s not a disease people. It’s not malaria. We’re just single! In the Fantasy Suite, AshLee talks about her dream engagement ring, which turns it into the Nightmare Suite for most men. Note to women: don’t do this.
Catherine and Sean get weird on a catamaran, literally. When he tells her that he lies her weirdness, I couldn’t help but sense a serious spark with them. It seemed like the closest Sean got to telling someone he loved them.
At dinner, they talk about kids and the fact that Catherine is nervous about the Fantasy Suite because she’s into traditional relationships. Which is why she’s finding love on television. Traditional! Catherine’s nerves are turning Sean on. I sense third base for sure.
Back at the suite, Catherine and Sean have a heart to heart about how comfortable she is with him. When she talks about being chunky and eating a lot, I might have fallen in love with her myself. She’s obviously far from chunky, but she’s also not anorexic looking which I love and she’s real looking. A girl who loves to eat and uses the word beefy to describe a guy? We could be friends.
Before the rose ceremony begins, Sean gets to watch intimate videos that the girls made specially for Sean. And all of America. AshLee cries, obviously. Lindsay is cute. And Catherine gets the wiggles. I don’t even know what they are, but I want them.
Even though she shows up with two killer accessories, Sean knows that if he doesn’t cut the cord on AshLee now, ABC won’t even be able to foot the psychotherapy bills that she’s going to wrap up when the show ends. So he sends her and her girls home.
Even though Sean says that he thought it was her from the beginning, she gives him a fat ‘whatever’ and boards a 17 hour coach flight back to the USA.
Only two weeks left… Who is your favorite? And who should be the next Bachelorette? Leave some comments!