This episode is always a fight for a spot on Bachelor Pad but because that show is a no-go, this was a fight for nothin’. Rather than recap, let’s give out some awards…
Hottie of the Night: Do I even need to go there? JUAN PABLO. If he’s the next Bachelor, I’m predicting a spike in vibrator sales. Just watch.
Sweetest: Zak. Although his song gave me second hand awkwardness, it was sweet. And the glimmer in his eyes when he was talking to or about Des… pretty meltworthy.
Who the F?: Dan. Who? Exactly. The guy who slept with Ben’s baby momma in Vegas. Yeah, that guy.
Most Misunderstood: James. I don’t hate James. I think this story was blown way out of proportion. The guy talked about having a life after the show. Shank him why don’t ya. I kinda love James.
Most Likely To Get a Bromantical Spin-Off on MTV: Mikey and James. I can see it now. Called “Bitchez & Boatz: Chicago Style.” They’re gonna get real intimate with tall chicks.
Worst Encounter with a Spray Tan Booth: Zak. Zak legitimately looked like an Ooompa Loopma, which only made his teeth even more blinding.
Can’t wait for the two-part, tear shedding, most dramatic ever, season finale.